fluck thlis karp

eye wuz so iritated bye all the bad peephole i delt with yesterday that it went into my dreems... so many bad fluckin dremas, involving theives, having gunz pulld out on me, frenz fucking everywun i no, FATCHIKS SINGING FOR OURS AND OURS, ISNT THAT FUKT UP?? (this one fat chick sang a really good song, so good that i offered her a fish to eat with garlic sauce)

eyem glad i went to bed erly last nite becuz i was redy to stab kidz in the face. so meny snoby kustomers, and eeven my frendz were acting like 5 yeer ol ale-ian shits asking too many unimportant questjjuns. but thats all gunna change, beleeve me..

totes 4got!

that other people eavesdrop too! like me! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

i still know how to cry for other people

what is it called when you cry over someone elses misfortune? is it extreme empathy? its a strange ability/weakness...? i dont think anyone has this and if they do, i guarantee its not to the degree that i have it. i can go to pieces in seconds. just cried over an ex-boyfriends dad who i never met (altho did speak to him a few times through the 'net) and all through indirect news.. no recent communication with either but it affected me sorta hard and upclose, like someone said it to my face.

one experience that always sticks out in my mind was when my neighbors husband died. i was obviously never close to her since she was just my neighbor and is a good 40 years older than me. i saw her in the hallway 2 days after his death, i said Hi not looking at her pretending like i didnt know what happened. she said hi quietly back to me and i guess on impulse asked me how i was doing like she usually did and the most bizarre thing happened (im sure she thought so anyway), i literally looked directly into her eyes and didnt respond. iknew that no matter what id say,id burst into tears. i then turned away, saying nothing and practically ran out the door of my building. ijust couldnt do it. im like some kind of emotional sponge. and while it might seem fake to some people or endearing to someone else, one things for sure, its probably not healthy.

Who do the heroes look up to?

i have a god in my mind and most of those who know me well, know who he is without description. but for those who don't; he's only 48 years old and an alcoholic. he's not related to me or has even met me or even closeee to well-known. he is unattractive and despite the fact i love him dearly without ever have meeting him, i would never date the man. too godly. i would feel out of place and low. but ive always wondered who the legends look up to. sure there are previous legends and heroes but how do the current heroes even become that status? i guess its impossible to say. maybe im my hero's biggest fan. maybe he has no idea that someone thinks so highly of him and has practically dedicated a blog to him and has learned so much and has been so comforted by his songs. its so weird especially when your not that famous. just to think that across the world some little girl is writing an entry about you and how you've changed her life forever and how important you are to her and probably the rest of your fans.

"i hardly ever drink anymore, this is my 5th beer today and i'm not even drunk"- stubbs.

apparently the europeans can even drink better than us.

The mailman, my luv, he sends his warmest regards

didnt you see him eyeing you on the way over? he tried to look up your skirt. yeah i think he knows youre in high school but that never stopped him before. the mail-lady, on the other hand, does not think so kindly of you. your young svelte figure makes her jealous, makes her wish she did something more meaningful, and not let herself go the way she did. a young mother. a divorcee, sitting at home eating chips, watching DANCING WITH THE STARS, talking about the celebs, who got fat, whos dating who, etc, etc. did i mention, her ass is HUGE but not in a delicious way. just a wide, flat sorta way. like what happens when you take a ball of clay and slowly put all your weight on it, until it becomes almost 2 dimensional. poor thing. she hates you. she'll find reasons to do so, and give you a hard time no doubt but secretly she wants you and your life even for her own... ... but oh well... its not so bad, is it? it could be worse... she could be working at the dmv................... ..... patti and selma....

midnite my luv

memos written to noone but thought notes processed thru phone, dear me should i have stayed home? and watched home movies rather than sit in mexiville listening to a persistant accordion and tuuuuuuba? i can spot skinheads in the room, are they racist or loving? i dont know how to finish that sentence and now with some 10 odd minutes to spare, i will takeon the hardest mission; finding the cheapest beer store on times sq ~sometimes life is so tragic~. ihope this trecherous trechery is worth is. show me a good time nyc.. very few good times you have.. said yoda.

written last night on my phone. and to answer your curiosity, NO, last night was not that great and i lost my wallet and have to go to the dmv. wonderful.

Aquarius rising

stressful and unclear