Patrick kills.. Patrick kills..

Patrick kills me



hideous pleasure, hideous pain, someones walkin over my grave- but im still alive!

god save the chimpanzees

we're worse than them.

woof woof

i had these dreams last night. one was a real crazy one with a friend of mine. i cant talk about that one, it was sad for him. he was just crying next to this chick with a tattoo on her face. not interesting.

i have a re-occuring theme in my dreams. it used to be cigarettes. strange since i dont really smoke. then it was trains. that stopped too. then it was crucifixes shooting fire. a very strange thing to dream but i always dreamt i had a crucifix that shot fire at people. then zombies. and now its cats. either me playing with them, or them trying to scratch out my eyes and scratch my face, lots of clawing, sometimes cuddling. black cats. white cats. always cats.

and then last night i dreamt i made out with a dog. new theme? i think each theme stands for lovers

worst month for blogging ever

i am deeply ashamed. i coulda done so much better. wahhh.whatever. im great anyway

"djing is the fudge brownie of 20 something yearolds"

i dont remember saying that but apparently i did at some point..

"you know a lot of fancy words.. but whenever you say 'em they come out dirty"

i dont think i can sum this up anymore. this can be about anyone and everyone. there are so many people who i feel this applies to. i hate fake glass cubic zirconia shit

i miss my broken men

i miss my broken people and their problems and shit. sangria is great when you have fruit. broken people, sangria and the unemployed, as well as the EMployed. all such a good group. and if you break them down individually, youll find beauty in everyone and forget their drug problems, or their temper tantrums or lack-o-commitment. you find passionate people who are trying to make their place in the world even if noone else notices it.someone will. they themselves need a sense of accomplishment even if its something so insignificant as climbing an ambulance or working with a musician you love. i hold my broken people near even if i dont see them for months or talk to them. when youre broken, you dont need to try to keep it all together b/c ya know... its gonna fall apart.so let it fall, and when the time is right, put it back together again. i have faith that they will understand. i will see my dears soon.let me get it together first.

it... be..GINZZZZZZZZZZ

i have this little wish and this little attraction to this weird thing. it happened so suddenly! when it was first offered (well it wasnt offered, it was more like hanging around shining like a fuckin diamond), i didnt care. it was a diamond and it looked great but i had no interest because i was interested in something else. towards the end i started to find some beauty in it, but it was too late b/c it walked away and i havent seen it again

recently, a few weeks ago, i remmebered the diamond! and suddenly i became partially obessesed!today has been all about partial things i noticed. but anyway, back to the story. the diamond which again, is out of reach, has some how come back and not on its own accord. just in my mind. a stupid fantasy but why? why now? 8 months later after not being interested the first time. wtfff. i dont know. theres a reason for everything. even tarot points to something. lets see where this shifty eyed cracked diamond takes me... oh wait.. did i mention, this diamond has some serious flaws? did i mention that its not a diamond in fact its prob cubic zirconia?

why do i always fall for the broken down car?

court cases are decided by a series of blow jobs

duhhhhhhhh. where ya been? al-buh-kirk-ee?

this is happening to me without even trying

they cant see you smiling over the phone, so stop smiling/secrets

they dont see you smiling over the phone. they cant see where your hands are underneathe that desk. they dont know for sure which employees have washed their hands before returning to the kitchen. youre at a diner and you notice fingerprints all over the glass but you havent even taken a sip yet. your doctor just gave you your prescription and now hes going to go have a cigarette. your love brings home a fish but from what river? your pal has a pair of shoes that look an awful lot like the ones you lost3 years ago... and you just cant afford a lie detector test. possible solution? Maury Povich. but wait, now you need to get pregnant (or impregnate someone and then deny it). why is everything so difficult hmm?

i wish it were the 1920s/30. im broke now and id be broke then too

Modern life is war... or somethin ya know

shouldnt be drinkin those beers espech when i got phlegmhhgh

DUDE HES THE STALLION

..and with time. someday maybe i'll be like you

im a spring chicken. 22 soon. but not quite yet.

its interesting to watch people age. in some it happens faster than others. but i noticed that age has taken its toll on you in particular. i can see your lines deepening and your fews traces of youth and "cuteness" are almost gone. soon your features will begin to drop and your body just won't work the way it used to.

but it wont matter because you'll behave just as you did 10 years ago when your youth began. nothing really changed. a few experiences learned from. many drinks, many fucks etc. any spiritual enlightenment?no. but you did learn about all those cool underground bands. and underground culture, thats like ya know, important dude. like youve traveled and gotten drunk in other states and countries. im not saying its not important either but... ..... did you become a better person? have you actually grown with age?... or do you just THINK you've grown..

2012 the age of Aquarius begins again for the first time since the 70s. Where will you be when the end (beginning) is at hand?

R.I.P ari up

sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
I'm tired and i want to go to bed

sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
and then leave me alone
don't try to wake me up in the morning
'cause i will be gone
i want you to know
deep in the cell of my heart
i will feel so glad to go

sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
i don't want to wake up on my own anymore

sing to me
sing to me
i dont want to wake up
on my own anymore

don't feel bad for me
i want you to know
deep in the cell of my heart
i really want to go

there is another world
there is a better world
well, there must be
well, there must be
well, there must be
well, there must be
well..

bye bye
bye bye
bye..





this hurts in particular for more personal reasons. Ana and I had the privlege of seeing Ari a few months ago at an art show/band show. she seemed absolutely wonderful. i had seen her around the city before so i knew she lived in NY. i remember ana and i were too chicken to go up to her and explain her influence on our lives in high school (my first screen name was Instant hit!based off a Slits song!!). at the time i clearly remember thinking "well we didnt go up to her tonight but theres always next time!"...

ugh.

6 weeksish til my birthday

22222222222222222222222222222222222222222. i will live to be 222. believe it.


the best way to remain emotionally distant?read your bible every day. everyone is meant for one.there is one meant for everyone. mine is written by some chick name Rachel. shes not that hot but whatever, shes the smartest girl i know. old and shit. experienced and shit.more threesomes than youve ever been in i bet. she knows whats up. she can make Borsch. i spelt it wrong. its ok.

im wearing these big motherfuckin fleece socks so thick they look like shit-boots. theyre neon too. i cant wait for winter so i can caress my future lovers face with my neon fleece toes. these socks aint comin off.

do you even? have you ever??

have you ever danced to Christ on tape? if not, do so sometime. youll have fun


have you ever read descriptions about myself? here, listen; (im a boy apparently)

"He is a prince of the other world on his travels through this one- all amidst the morning glory, in the keen air.... He is the spirit in search of experience."

and for my foes?

"Ruin. In the divine world, the punishment of pride; in the intellectual world, the downfall of the spirit that attempts to discover the mysteries of God; In the physical world, reversals of fortune. Material forces that can crush great and small alike. Rivalries which only end in ruin for all concerned. Frustrated plans, hopes that fade away, ruined ambitions and catastrophic deaths."

oh my.

i am the son, i am the heir

where to begin? ive lost my inspiration so now ive got to look for it. i search so hard but its nowhere. youd think living in new york is inspiring and it is in a way. but its all the same. so fast so stupid

im getting a phone call as we speak probably some dude asking me to come down to da club with him and taste a four loko. or taste his four loko, im not sure, im not so psychic anymore. i cut down on the tarot; i had to. but i will be doing them again at the halloween party at sterlings! come by. i will tell your fortune. it will be beautiful.

i got 2 interviews coming up honey. honey when i get money i will become creative again. hey, just cuz i dont write herre often dont mean i ever stopped lovin you. it just means ive said what i needed to say. thats all babe. thats all. love ya til johnny rotten croaks. love u all.

check

Looking for Front desk DECEPTIONIST

oh im clever. and apparently this shit is private i guess. oh well. i guess it lacks color and isnt pleasing to the eye. blah. to hell with everyone. i think everyone ditched me in advance - Lisa Simpson

the cool calm

after the thrill of escaping a bunch of cops. i deserved to be arrested for so many reasons. yet i escaped. amazing. darling. im so good and cool even though i stink of cheap chicken. i dont smell like i cheated anyone though. only the man who deserved to be cheated. i could have done worse tonight; i was prepared to do worse.geez. i surprise myself. a beer to drink tomorrow. and no real reason how i got it! oh  how do tjhese things happen?

 someone made fun of my weight tonight. itt was a boy too. im not surprised, its 538 johnson, the hipster/crustpunk ny building. i walked by him and he said, "..and yet im STILL not skinny enough arghhh!", his little dreadlocked hungry friends laughed with jealousy. they dont know the truth.the fact that im Jughead and eat a lot. theyre jealous of the animals in my body. theyre sad that only apple leafs are present in their bloodstream while alligators lurk in mine; i get it you dirties; you wanna be me. youre just ashamed of less skin, less weight. its cool, i can deal, the littler the weight, the closer to my bonez n heart. im so weak and coold its sad and endearing. if you love me, you give me nutrients :)

Bullshit!

currently listening to

mark stewart and blink 182. nothing wrong with underground electro and mainstream pop punk. no not at all.

Mark stewart is out of control. i often forget this

The Devil

"If you think darkness has won, it has. If you are willing to let others exploit and restrain you, then they can and they will. But noone has power over you unless you give it away. If you are willing to release yourself from the chains of ignorance, you can do so, and you can step into the light. Turn all that negative energy into positive energy and see how much you can accomplish when you believe you can. Take a good long look at yourself and try to see what you could not see before. Always remember that shadow cannot exist without light and that there is no Devil except the one you create."

ate so much salami tonight

like 8 pieces. i may go blind. DEAR MR HENSHAW. if you dont know mr henshaw or what im saying, whatevz. i guess we're not getting married.

i love your schloop

i love your shlit. i like it when you kracksale all over my front lawn. I like chasing after you with a hose and watering you down until you disintigrate in wermininny. i like watching you twirl around in your own gloop. i also like it when i pick up your gloop and cup it in my hand like its a baby duckling... then drink it.

just sayin is all.

Marilyn(rare),rain,nude

A.B.C dicks love

"During emergency landing, replace dinner tray and bring seat to upright position. Extinguish all smoking materials... Including spacecraft if possible. /Out of fuel, the courageous spaceman spiff is forced to land on the distant planet Zok! The valiant explorer surveys Zokkian landscape. Who knows what dangers lie hidden in the cratered terrain? Undaunted, Spiff sets out to find help! Miles later , it is evident the planet is completely uninhabited! Our hero is marooned on a lifeless planet! Alone on an alien world! Alone.. All alone.

meow mix

lots of walking last night.lots of free alcohol. free rides. skinheads in wifebeaters. last night was wonderful.

oh i here i go, don't let me go, hold me down! its comin for me through the trees!

so soso bored. but im not really complaining. its better than bad stuff.

i'm so bored im gonna go talk to people i dont care about. im so bored maybe i'll hang out with someone i dislike. maybe i'll listen to some mediocre music. embrace this wishywashy grey-like dim, one hanging light bulb feeling.

im gonna go eat some white bread... with a glass of water on the side for dippin'! ;)

i put the CAN in MexiCAN

i don't know how else to elaborate on this..

dolores my love

dude yr so crazy!

even if i made a typo

i'm gonna make you mine one day.

if you gather the courage or suddenly fall in love with me

i would have made you mine anyway.

you dont know what i'm talking about or why youre reading my blog

i'm gonna make you mine one day.

if the bologna goes bad and if the cheese goes gone

i'm gonna make you mine one day.

if you decide to go perfectly straight,... or if you already are even..

i'm gonna make you mine one day.

872982 something miles or not

i'm gonna make you mine one day.

i was concerned

but then i realized theres nothing to be concerned about. i know what i'm doing B)

When life kicks dirt in my face, i build a sandcastle and call myself the king

its the only way.

Always a sinister twist of fate; Sworn enemies collaborate.

The romance of treason, the sins of the secret state, in public they're sworn enemies but- collaborate.. ;)

speaking of tragedy

i'm going to say something shocking but it might not be too shocking since it's coming from me. I have always found situations where people need to wear belts....tragic.


wearing belts for fashion is one thing. and noo i don't have anything against belts theyre definetly useful and help people out. but its sad. your pants can't give you a perfect hug so you need a little extra help. belts are the band-aids of fashion. seeing someone wearing a belt is like seeing someone covered in bandages. it makes me want to go up to certain people and give them hug. a real one. not a bought hug, size medium from Target orK-mart or hell- Barney's. I wanna hug them and say "I understand, I really do and I'm here for you... through thick and especially thin ;)".

it sticks out quite a bit in the back

what's in there? what are you holding? are you keeping someone hostage? or is it full of secrets? fluid? tumor(s) maybe?

i wanna take an ice cream scoop and dig in and play with all the extra you-know-what. i wonder what i'd find. i'd probably be dissapointed. it's probably all flab, or too much bone , or pus (EWW) but if i stay optimistic, maybe gold or secrets or flowers or maybe even love! i'd love to hold some right about now. i'd put it in little jars and label it based on what it is. i would keep it in my closet and would write a million blog entries about it because i'd be so inspired. that is, until my mom raids my room as she does every now and then and finds your you-know-what in my you-know-where (closet, dumbass). and then it would be straight to the trash or down the toilet.

why does everything have to end in tragedy?

no more depression

i was fixed!

scandinavian jawbreaker.. nudity

this NEEDS to be seen. over and over.

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5oty5jOYu1qzr2kio1_400.gif

do i have tetanus?

semi locked jaw except not really. pains in my back. i think i dislocated my jaw. lets see where i am in a few days..

its a boys world!

i know this big world ain't always what it seems

sarah

the boxes

whatever you made up in your head is of your own doing. i did nothing. i stood there and watched it all happen. you stand aside and make up little stories in your head of what i may have done to you if we'd hung around just a few minutes longer. if i had hung around some more, maybe id rip the wallpaper into little bits. yeah, maybe id'a done it, and because of that you'll get angry. angry over something that never came to be. and one day, when you move out, youll have no memories of me because i left nothing behind. but if we close our eyes and think hard, we can lie and pretend i did. we can say that i ruined your little ounce of hope in the female race. and when you pack everything up, all those little items, i'll be going in those boxes with them. not because i even ever existed, but only because you believed that i did and therefore, i'm a part of those memories. i belong in all those boxes according to you. i will travel with you always.

you and all those things you;ve kept close. you'll never let them go and you'll never let me go. i go where your belongings go; i belong to you still, in your mind. even if you believe i belong in a cage, i'm still there and i know you will never ever let me go. you will never let go of a meaningless grudge.

and now i want a bottle of wine!

a bottle of wine!?? no! sangria! even worse! where are these expensive tastes coming from? im too poor for these cravings!

if i have a son

i will name him Shooter. If i have a daughter i will name her Stephanation.

There is a light that never goes out

If only it were known

that there is always one thing that makes me happy. even in my darkest moments, even when im sitting in front of my computer with eyes glassy partly from exhaustion and partly cuz i might cry, theres one thing that always makes me happy. its a little spark, its a light that always shines, it fades a little, sometimes it grows stronger but its always there, its never gone completely. its nothing real, or tangible, its a thought, a wish maybe but i can see it perfectly and ive never been so sure of something. id gamble away a lot for it i guess. its so far off too but im so convinced its there for a reason. i dont know if it would become real but i know it will always be there for me even if noone else knows it. its literally a life of its own. noone would ever understand. ive disguised what it is so well. but one day maybe if im brave enough or if i get the chance, i'll let it out. maybe i'll slip up. maybe one day someone will finally figure out the puzzles i've been speaking in all this time. and when they do, maybe we'll meet and make it happen.

THE STAR:

"Whenever all hope seems lost, it will reappear to prove that you have really lost nothing except perhaps your sight to the enlightenment. And in the absence of that sight, the Star will light your way. It's light is not a blinding flash like lightning bolt of the Tower, but a soft radiating glow that warms and comforts rather than burning and destroying. When it appears in your life , it is nothing less than a beacon of hope and inspiration. In times of darkness it shows that there is a way out, and tells you not to worry, for illumination and freedom are at hand. But hope is only a beginning. Now that you have been inspired, you still have much work to do in order to bring your vision into manifestation. You must combine the solidity of material existence with the waters of your emotions and of your spirit... Kick off your shoes and wade into the pool, confident that the water will support you until you reach the other side.

I hope to god DMX loses his mind

i hope he does. and the day he does, im going to dance through the streets. im going to run barefoot in the middle of the road and dance around holding a roll of paper towels in my hand screaming jibberish. and then im going to run to the nearest restaurant bar, pull a gun out and shoot into the air then seduce one of the waitresses there by giving her a strip tease until the cops show up and i run into the basement, baracade myself and fall asleep in the corner, a'la Adam Ant. But no, I won't. but maybe DMX will. I hope he will. I hope he's lost his mind like he said we'd make 'im.

Maybe he already did lose his mind. I wouldn't know; I don't keep up with the hip hop scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsXXEECOHIo

how to beat menstrual cramps

lots of advil and black sabbath.... oh and the simpsons

HEavens to betsy ive created a PRAYING machine!

i'll teach you to be happy. i'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!

precious

one of these days youre going to wake up and find me in your bed.


im going to be lying right next to you staring straight into your eyes. im not gonna move until you start screaming, and thats when i'll start screaming too. and then youre going to grab the nearest item (depending on your hobbies; if youre into sports, it could be a baseball bat. if youre into music, a guitar. if youre into art, maybe youll stab me with some color pencils etc etc), and youll attempt to attack me. i'll jump out of the way in time the first few times but i;ll get hit every here and there. i'll grab an arm and bite you with all my might. If you have stairs in your apartment, youll throw me down them. if not, youll beat my head against the floor until i pass out. either way, i'll wake up 30 min later in a haze and find myself covered in condiments. mustard, ketchup, mayo, etc. and youll be sitting across from me watching me until you see my eyes open. and we'll both start screaming again. the cycle repeating itself, only this time, im gonna win.

its all about telling people what they wanna hear

yep.

135 ways to pleeze your man

#1. hack into his facebook

#2 Get bloated.

#3-135 fuck fuck fuck

not fucking fodder

anger burning.

where are your whereabouts?

and how can i find you?

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html



guess who this is about? (hint: its not about me. thats all youll get. its that obv)

I WANNA LOL WITHYOU

annd i know you wanna lol with me too.



and i'll take you to the zoo.



to watch the animals and the naughty things they do.



you know the sight is spectacular.



and though we might seem peculiar.



i assure you we're just as sane as a bike riding nun



in the hot carribean sun.



forever devoted to god



but demons as well and russian people named Vlad



so next time they tell you

your weird or strange or odd

just remember that we're bike riding nuns

forever devoted to god
and forever devoted to fun

I KEEP CHOKING

everytime i drink something, i choke a little. i think ive been cursed. fucking gypsies.

I have an infinite amout of respect for you

who am i even talking to? i dont even know.

D.E.A.D.R.A.M.O.N.E.S

I had a dream the other night, a sort of., revelation. almost life changing dream. but not exactly yet kind of. just made me think.

i remember a few years back i had a dream that i was writing an essay on buddhism. strange since i know nothing about the subject but i remember how vivid it was in the dream and how i knew exactly what i was talking about. sadly, i woke the next day remembering nothing that i had written except for the fact that i was so sure of what i was doing in my dream.

this was not the case a few nights ago. i remember everything. every goddamn word. but what was so funny was the fact that i had been thinking a lot about it for a while. balance. a dream about balance and the definition of what balance really is. i cant write the entire, dream , it was that long (6 pages written) but i can write the basic gist and what was said to me.


basically what happened in my dream was that a worldwide law was made; EVERYTHING had to be in balance. everything. even physically. symmetry was extremely important. but i remember someone explaining the law to me and how despite the fact it was made to keep the peace and straighten things out, it was in reality extremeeeeely corrupt.

(writing this more or less how it was said in my dream, sorrry if it sounds like an interview..but yeah, this is what happened..)

random guy: A law has been passed just recently about total balance. but its completely corrupt.

me: hows that even possible?

rg: because complete balance is almost impossible and people misunderstand what balance really is. for example, lets say a person is somehow betrayed by someone else. they might think that a way to balance things out is by doing the same, or doing something bad in return when in reality that is not balance.. In order for there to be balance something good has to be done to make up for the bad. But that is not everyone's belief and a surprising amount of people confuse vengeance with balance. "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" had nothing to do with balance. Balance is stability and a happy medium. Something meant to eliminate any flaws, something that promises an even line. Its a matter of give and take.

Me: But aren't there times when the laws of balance don't apply and you need to be ruthless? Isn't this a rigid way of loooking at things?

rg:Its not rigid because despite the fact it just became a law on paper, its more of an unwritten law and we have the strength to make it apply to our own thoughts and needs. And as long as we have that strength, nothing can ever be rigid. We're all selfish at one point or another, its so easy to say, well ive had a hard time in life, nothing ever goes my way, i can screw someone over for once. even if you dont have any bad intentions. for example, you need food to feed your family and youre applying for a job, but someone else is too who is in a similar position. if you get the job, things may balance out for you, but what about the other person? where does that leave them? In your book, things have balanced, the bad was finally replaced with the good and it wasn't done through 2 negatives equaling a positive. but your own balance isnt necessaily theres is it? theyll have to search for their own..


anyway, the dream went on, but im dead serious, this is what happened. pretty intense for a dream. who dreams philospically?crazy.

dreams are just plain fucked.

just ate.. it knocked me off my feet!

i just ate so much food at once i passed out for 2 and a half hours. i still feel my eyes closing..

i told myself that i wouldnt stay up til 4am tonight(again) but then again, hey, where am i going tomorrow? nowhere. so fuck it im here on blogger.

Why have i not learned to hack into things? i bet i'll live to regret making this shit public. ibet all the wrong people are reading this. By the way, ive got one of them new internet html website cameras that watch you while youre looking at my site. I can see you picking your nose, or your teeth or staring blankly at the screen. i can also see you growing uncomfortable at the thought that i MAY NOT be bullshitting. I'd be scared too if i were you. something to think about!

haters beware youre in for a scare!

i just ripped off RL stine, did you notice?

this is a dream come true

cleverhead

uhh..

ne w guy

this is the new guy i guess. da new blog. hopefully it wont be as morbid and angry and trippy as the last. actually i hope its still trippyyyyyyy. i want shrooms.