the final chapter. or as originally typed; the death card

i dont know what difference a change of website will make but the time has come. ameliaivo is no more. ameliaivo started out strong after the collaps e of my last blog (and life). every now and then hints of hope and creativity blah blah. but another one of my famous innerchanges is going on within.

and so i begin another blog. a third. also named after a cocteau twins song. what will the difference be? i couldnt really say. something more raw? more stories maybe? i dont know.

im mainly doing this because 320 blog entries are an awful lot to read on one site. and i expect you dears to read as many as you can. but 320 is an undesirable number of thingies to read. so here i go. l8er. i still love all the people that i always loved and i also love the people that i hate because it shows that they are dear even in a horrible way. sweet cheery, cya.

i know too much about this girl's ex boyfriends dick

she keeps posting about it on facebook and i dont know what to do

jealous drunx

all lined up against a brick wall pissing and puking and cursing and hollering at girls walking by and spitting at successful folk. heavy cockney accents but certainly no cockney reject ;) ;)

..and later that night, Dirtbag's delight sitting next to a glowing fire in an alleyway recollecting thoughts of a day gone to waste but one filled with booze. some of them begin to slide down the brick walls, everyone dangerously close to the fire but still safe. some still awake with faces (!!!!!). and beer breath breathing onto open flames, embers rising violently with every word. as the temperature decreases and the winds pick up, the flames lower and lower as do the drunks because theyre sinking-into a deep sleep only to be awoken again soon by a rising sun

1 paragraph into Music for chameleons

and im already in love with Truman Capote

fluck thlis karp

eye wuz so iritated bye all the bad peephole i delt with yesterday that it went into my dreems... so many bad fluckin dremas, involving theives, having gunz pulld out on me, frenz fucking everywun i no, FATCHIKS SINGING FOR OURS AND OURS, ISNT THAT FUKT UP?? (this one fat chick sang a really good song, so good that i offered her a fish to eat with garlic sauce)

eyem glad i went to bed erly last nite becuz i was redy to stab kidz in the face. so meny snoby kustomers, and eeven my frendz were acting like 5 yeer ol ale-ian shits asking too many unimportant questjjuns. but thats all gunna change, beleeve me..

totes 4got!

that other people eavesdrop too! like me! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

i still know how to cry for other people

what is it called when you cry over someone elses misfortune? is it extreme empathy? its a strange ability/weakness...? i dont think anyone has this and if they do, i guarantee its not to the degree that i have it. i can go to pieces in seconds. just cried over an ex-boyfriends dad who i never met (altho did speak to him a few times through the 'net) and all through indirect news.. no recent communication with either but it affected me sorta hard and upclose, like someone said it to my face.

one experience that always sticks out in my mind was when my neighbors husband died. i was obviously never close to her since she was just my neighbor and is a good 40 years older than me. i saw her in the hallway 2 days after his death, i said Hi not looking at her pretending like i didnt know what happened. she said hi quietly back to me and i guess on impulse asked me how i was doing like she usually did and the most bizarre thing happened (im sure she thought so anyway), i literally looked directly into her eyes and didnt respond. iknew that no matter what id say,id burst into tears. i then turned away, saying nothing and practically ran out the door of my building. ijust couldnt do it. im like some kind of emotional sponge. and while it might seem fake to some people or endearing to someone else, one things for sure, its probably not healthy.